Divorce is never beautiful. But it can be made less ugly by taking the right turns. When a married couple wants to get separated or mutually decided to tread different paths, it brings down them as well as their kids. And it is likely that one may make some wrong choices given the mental condition he/she has to undergo.
And making the right choices amidst such a volatile situation is highly tricky. And once a mistake is made, and a wrong turn is taken, that’s irreversible.
Hence, before filing a divorce lawsuit, or while being in one, keep these ten mistakes in mind that are quite common to commit that can make one cringe years after.
1. Not consulting with a Therapist during the Trial.
This is the worst mistake one can ever make. People usually think divorce is a matter that is all about a lawyer. But actually, it is also a job for a therapist to keep your emotions in check. Divorce, separation, annulment, all these take a significant toll on your mental sanity. And a therapist is the best person who can help you stay calm, reason and maintain a cordial relationship with your children.
So never underestimate the role that a therapist plays for an individual going through a divorce trial.
2. Considering the Lawyer will Ensure Everything on Your Behalf.
Well nobody does that. Your lawyer will just look after the legal procedures. The rest of the jobs are up to you. Discussing your kids with your spouse, finding a new place to live, sort out your personal assets, financial documents – These are some crucial things to be done by you alone. Yes, the lawyer may suggest you the way these should be done. But at the end of the day, it’s you who has to take care of all these.
3. Shunning Your Responsibility for your Own Divorce.
Whether you want it, or don’t, if your spouse doesn’t want the marriage to continue, you can’t just deny it. It takes two to tango, and if even one of the spouse wants a divorce, you have to accept. This may be the hard reality, but it takes two to make a marriage, but one to break it. But if you bury your head in the sand, that’s not gonna help you.
Taking the responsibility whether you want or not is the only way when faced by a divorce lawsuit. Rather it increases the chances of missing out what’s important. So no point in staying depressed and shunning responsibility. Don’t ever make this mistake.
4. Moving Out with the Kids, without Informing Your Spouse.
This is another blunder people make in the heat of the moment but regret later. Unless and until there’s a documented case of domestic violence, running away with your kid(s) is a strict no-no. Because that can take you to a position, you don’t want to be where you are ordered by the judge to return the kid(s), without you. Informing about your new address to your spouse won’t help either.
5. The Reluctance of Compromising.
Like marriage, divorce is also compromising. It is safe to consider that your spouse will not cave in to every demand you place. Instead, it is more likely that you have to give up things you never wanted to lose. But this is what divorce is, and even if you have to go all the way through trial, you still need to compromise. And the more you stay adamant in your demand, the costlier and lengthier the trial gets.
6. Hurting your Spouse Purposefully.
A tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye. Well, this is what revenge is all about. But before making this mistake, ask yourself, do you really consider yourself for this? What example would you set in front of your kids, if you purposefully try to hurt your spouse? Yes, momentarily it may give you peace of mind, avenging yourself for the damage he/she did to you. But in the long run, guilt will run after you. Let the court of law decide for you.
7. Bad-Mouthing and Talking Foul About Your Spouse with the Kids.
Even if you are telling the truth, try to refrain from bad-mouthing your spouse in front of your kids. Your kids are the result of your ‘once’ love, and setting a negative perception of their mother or father unacceptable. Kids don’t need to know everything about their parents’ personal lives, it’s better to keep them out of it. Don’t make a mistake of over-sharing.
8. Maintaining Secrecy about Money and other Assets.
Hiding away cash or pilfering is immensely detrimental for anyone who’s in a divorce trial. If your antic gets caught, you end up paying more than you had to pay if you were honest. Moreover, you fall in the eyes of the judge, and when you need him/her to decide something in your favor, it’s likely that he/she would be strict. And then there’s karma that never leaves you. The hidden money can never give you the peace of mind and a good night’s sleep.
9. Caring Less about a Shared Calendar for the Kids.
No matter you get divorced or stay separated, your kids need you. As a parent, it is one’s duty and responsibility to maintain a shared calendar for their kids, pre and post-divorce. There are a bunch of digital parenting tools that enable parents to manage and automate their kids’ schedules.
And since these are jointly owned, it is easier for the other person to remain in the loop and have an understanding of what’s happening. This way, not only your kids will adapt to the new situation easily, but also it would give them a sense of security. This also reduces your stress level.
10. Requesting for Change in the Terms and Judgements Later.
Divorce judgments are passed by the court of law and can hardly be changed later on. Still some decisions regarding the children might be altered later on, but financial judgments are done deal! So it is always safe to include terms that you would expect to be there forever. It’s a blunder to think you can change these terms later.
Any change in the terms means once again you have to be there at the court, implying monetary and time loss. Moreover, there’s no guarantee that the judge would allow any such change. So be extra sure about the judgments and avoid any unwanted hassle.
The path to divorce is not smooth. But with the right choices and decisions made, you can at least make the path less rugged. The above-listed mistakes are a few that people tend to commit in those situations. Carrying with a divorce trial is not easy. Unbelievable mental stress, emotional outbursts, and pangs of sorrows are involved. And it is natural for anyone to make mistakes.
It is our humble effort to create awareness about these common blunders so that nobody falls in the pitfalls of divorce.